CHICAGO — Some prudish woman decided that she could try to change her boyfriend by writing to Amy Dickinson, complaining that he is naked all the time.
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a guy for two months. He is funny, smart, drop-dead handsome, generous and really good to me.
We almost never argue, but there are two things I can’t get over. He lives with four other guys in a big house. They each have their own room, so privacy isn’t an issue. They’re all very good friends and hang out a lot.
The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he’s at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way.
The second problem is that he’s really physical and affectionate with everyone. He doesn’t hug and kiss just me, but all of his friends too, and all the time! Guy or girl, gay or straight — I feel like he’s always hanging onto someone.
What do I do to get him to understand that these two expressions of intimacy should be between a guy and a girl, and not shared with the whole world? We’ve talked about it, but he says this is the way he is.
I’ve asked his friends to make him stop, but they don’t care how he behaves and say I should just let him be himself. I’ve told them that I think he’s acting gay, but one of the guys in the house is gay, and he assures me that this isn’t the case. What can I do? — A
Her first mistake was writing the piece in the first place. Her second mistake was writing a piece promoting bigotry against nudists. Her third mistake was writing that piece to Amy Dickinson, who is a no-nonsense writer. Ms. Dickinson puts this woman in her place.
Dear A: Let’s imagine your boyfriend wrote to me, saying, “My new girlfriend is great, except she wears clothes, like, almost all the time. And she’s such a prude! I told her friends she was acting really straight but they won’t make her stop. They say, ‘That’s just the way she is!’”
The reason your boyfriend’s friends won’t make him change is because they are his friends. They like him this way. The reason your boyfriend won’t change is because he likes himself this way.
You are the only person in this household who doesn’t like him this way. If you’ve asked him to adjust and he won’t, it’s not because he can’t behave differently, it’s because he doesn’t want to.
“Acting gay” might not be as insulting to him as you intend it to be. Your choices now are to accept him — as is — or move on.
This is why I love Amy Dickinson. She puts these women who think they can change their men in their places. I’m gonna be honest right now: I am a nudist and in fact, I am writing this piece in the nude right now. If someone can’t accept the fact that I love being naked all the time, no matter where we are, I will not want an interpersonal relationship with that person – this includes family. It is just that damn simple. As long as people can accept the fact that I love being naked all the time, nothing else matters. They can change the rest of me and I won’t complain, but I will not allow anyone – not even family – to change the fact that I am a nudist. Nudity is the single most essential part to my recovery from mental illness, and anyone who tries to force me to stop is tampering with my recovery and is trying to send me into a bad relapse.