Aiken Area Progressive

Progressive blog for the Central Savannah River Area.

Month: October, 2014

Amy Dickinson puts gymnophobic woman whining about her boyfriend’s nudity in her place

CHICAGO — Some prudish woman decided that she could try to change her boyfriend by writing to Amy Dickinson, complaining that he is naked all the time.

Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a guy for two months. He is funny, smart, drop-dead handsome, generous and really good to me.

We almost never argue, but there are two things I can’t get over. He lives with four other guys in a big house. They each have their own room, so privacy isn’t an issue. They’re all very good friends and hang out a lot.

The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he’s at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way.

The second problem is that he’s really physical and affectionate with everyone. He doesn’t hug and kiss just me, but all of his friends too, and all the time! Guy or girl, gay or straight — I feel like he’s always hanging onto someone.

What do I do to get him to understand that these two expressions of intimacy should be between a guy and a girl, and not shared with the whole world? We’ve talked about it, but he says this is the way he is.

I’ve asked his friends to make him stop, but they don’t care how he behaves and say I should just let him be himself. I’ve told them that I think he’s acting gay, but one of the guys in the house is gay, and he assures me that this isn’t the case. What can I do? — A

Her first mistake was writing the piece in the first place. Her second mistake was writing a piece promoting bigotry against nudists. Her third mistake was writing that piece to Amy Dickinson, who is a no-nonsense writer. Ms. Dickinson puts this woman in her place.

Dear A: Let’s imagine your boyfriend wrote to me, saying, “My new girlfriend is great, except she wears clothes, like, almost all the time. And she’s such a prude! I told her friends she was acting really straight but they won’t make her stop. They say, ‘That’s just the way she is!’”

The reason your boyfriend’s friends won’t make him change is because they are his friends. They like him this way. The reason your boyfriend won’t change is because he likes himself this way.

You are the only person in this household who doesn’t like him this way. If you’ve asked him to adjust and he won’t, it’s not because he can’t behave differently, it’s because he doesn’t want to.

“Acting gay” might not be as insulting to him as you intend it to be. Your choices now are to accept him — as is — or move on.

This is why I love Amy Dickinson. She puts these women who think they can change their men in their places. I’m gonna be honest right now: I am a nudist and in fact, I am writing this piece in the nude right now. If someone can’t accept the fact that I love being naked all the time, no matter where we are, I will not want an interpersonal relationship with that person – this includes family. It is just that damn simple. As long as people can accept the fact that I love being naked all the time, nothing else matters. They can change the rest of me and I won’t complain, but I will not allow anyone – not even family – to change the fact that I am a nudist. Nudity is the single most essential part to my recovery from mental illness, and anyone who tries to force me to stop is tampering with my recovery and is trying to send me into a bad relapse.

Winston-Salem Journal (by way of OneDrive)

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As Alan Oakley and 45 other domestic violence victims from 2013 are remembered, Alan Wilson’s DV proposal misses the mark

Branchville Fire Chief Alan Oakley. He was one of 46 domestic violence victims from 2013 that was remembered at a Silent Witness Ceremony on Tuesday.  Chief Oakley was killed on December 28, 2013 because his wife, Melody, and her girlfriend, Ann Anderson, wanted to continue a girls-only sexual relationship.

COLUMBIA — A domestic dispute turns into a massacre, with a calm, sane man killing his girlfriend and five others with a high powered assault rifle in one of the worst massacres in Greenwood County’s history.  An Edgefield County woman shoots her former college football player boyfriend to death multiple times.  The fire chief of a local town involved in a love triangle was slain by three women because his wife wanted to be with her lesbian lover, with all of the benefits of a dead husband.

These were just three of the domestic violence incidents from the state of South Carolina in 2013 that were read aloud by the state.  In all eight men and 38 women were killed by intimate partners in 2013 – with at least six of these incidents happening in the Central Savannah River Area region of South Carolina.

[NOTE: So far this year, the number of men murdered by female intimate partners are higher than the total from all of 2013 by 50% (12 in 2014 vs. 8 in 2013).]

During the ceremony, Alan Wilson announced he would introduce a new proposal for domestic violence that would not do much of anything to alleviate the epidemic sweeping South Carolina.  Democrat Pernell Diggs, his opponent, has not publicly announced any plans to tackle the scourge of intimate partner violence.

Meanwhile, the state legislature may be doing something for the first time in state history just to update the domestic violence laws: calling a session between August and January.

Mr. Wilson’s proposal calls for criminal domestic violence laws to officially be treated like the criminal sexual conduct and assault and battery offenses (degrees instead of offenses), offenders to wear electric monitoring devices (whether naked or fully-clothed), more law enforcement training and more victim advocates.  While all of these things are good things, they miss the target of reducing intimate partner violence.

A more direct approach would be to keep all of Wilson’s suggestions, and add in some of Bakari Sellers’s suggestions: increase bond or remove such an option for a first time charge of criminal domestic violence, order all those officially charged with CDV – offenses or degrees – to turn over all firearms, and the requirement that the identities of those killed by CDV be kept secret.

(Jovan NOTE: The requiring of firearms to be turned over for those hit with CDV charges have become controversial because the gun lobby has a complete stranglehold on Columbia.  The National Rifle Association’s opposition to domestic violence laws stems from many states, including those that are widely considered as pro-gun rights by the organization [looking at neighboring Georgia], having requirements that DV abusers give up their firearms.)

It’s very easy to see why so many advocates dedicated to ridding the state of the scourge of intimate partner violence endorsed Rep. Sellers’s proposal.  Most of the women killed by their male intimate partners were killed due to the all-too-easy access to firearms – South Carolina’s lax gun laws are not at all helping when it comes to sexual violence.  Although he admitted this in June in a piece about BikeFest, an event that has been the target of blatantly racist attacks from a racist governor named Nikki Haley, The Sun News‘s Issac Bailey rightfully admitted that South Carolina has a gun culture problem.  The gun culture problem is what’s led to over 40 domestic violence murders statewide in every one of the three years of the 202d decade so far (this may be the fourth, as there is still time left in 2014).  Domestic violence is a crime that is committed 0% of the time by strangers, so the “more guns” dog that is trotted out by the right absolutely won’t hunt in such cases.

Admitting that there is a problem is a start, no matter if it is a 12-step alcohol/drug program or if it is a crisis that can be fixed possibly with new laws.  Until we admit that we have a run-away gun culture that needs to be sacked, the intimate partner violence epidemic won’t be eradicated anytime soon in Aiken and Orangeburg counties, or in any of the other 44 counties statewide.

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